In a recent blog post, “Blogging: A Personal Story, It’s Not So Black & White”, I listed 5 questions that every blogger should be able to answer prior to starting a blog. These were 5 questions that I needed to complete for myself.
Reasons for blogging are very personal for everyone, I realize. Maybe it was one major incident or a series of events that finally brought you to the decision to start a blog.
Along with those 5 questions, I also started dialogue about my intimate journey explaining one major story to help explain why I decided to blog & why it is important to me. There are other significant moments in my life that played a large role in coming to this decision. We all have war stories & carry skeletons in our closets from childhood, some more damaging than others. Never thinking that I fully belonged & wishing to feel pretty were dominant thoughts through my life as a child. Deciding to enter the modeling world was a way I thought I could prove to others that I wasn’t ugly….. HOW STUPID WAS THAT?!?! It backfired!!! I felt wayyyyyy worse & even more inadequate.
After tormenting myself with periodic bouts with modeling, I finally admitted that I just wasn’t good enough & I would never achieve the success I wanted so badly. It hurt, but it was The Best Thing for My Self-Esteem & Me. I also knew I had to redirect my attention & deal with childhood trauma. One of the biggest decisions in my life was to enter an outpatient mental therapy program or else I would be 6-feet under. No sadness, this was a positive move, so I could begin the healing. I just surrendered. I was so ready to do the challenging work to find real, true happiness. I was ready to face the tough work & tackle my demons. Recognizing that what happened to you, what you did or how you were labeled as a child/teenager, doesn’t ultimately define who you are. Admitting there were failed successes in certain areas of my life didn’t mean there was failure, because I put myself out there & tried. It was high time to stop the never-ending feeling of guilt about every single thing in life. Those, among other issues, were the focus of my therapy. It was the most intense, exhausting, powerful, meaningful, important 3 weeks of my life. I went from the darkest of dark to the lightest of light. I had this renewed zest for life! I realized the power was within me to change my perception, my reaction & my methods for handling certain situations. It was time to stop feeling sorry for myself & to rid the negative, inadequate perception of myself. I tried one avenue for so long & it didn’t work; now it was time to walk down a different road.
In the beginning of 2015, the thought of a blog entered my mind, but I never admitted this to anyone until late summer of 2015. On month before my 45th birthday, I told my husband & one friend that I would launch my blog on my birthday. They were 100% supportive & encouraging. Now, I had this outlet to help shed the residual layers of my past & break through the barriers that I created in my life. This was the way to tell people who I really am. Hey, I figured it out after so long, why not introduce the real me to the world for the first time in 45 years?!?! This is why blogging is so important to me (btw, that’s question #2). Like I mentioned previously, “enough was enough”. “I’m relevant, I matter, my voice matters.
Now, this is my therapy!
Wearing something light, short, loose & energizing seemed appropriate for this blog post. Choosing shorts felt liberating. Not only because it’s springtime which signifies the symbolic ritual of shedding our winter layers, but this journey has the same feeling of removing heavy layers from my past. The white shirt feels fresh & having a fresh outlook on the future feels exciting & incredible. The busy print in the jacket has so much energy & that’s exactly the way I feel. The loose fit of the jacket gives me so much freedom to move because there is no reason to feel constricted with my choices in life. Mixing prints is a reminder that I should mix up my day-to-day & try something new to keep life interesting. Choosing my trusted white Adidas sneakers is meaningful, as I need to trust myself moving forward. Every piece in this look is from seasons past (minus the clutch) reflecting on a final thought that we can’t erase our history, but we take the lessons learned to use in the future with greater knowledge & insight. I love the wide-open space surrounding me. It is representative of how I felt at this moment in my life; just ready to reach out into this vast space & grab life & live it to the fullest.
Hope you got a little something out of this read! Why is blogging so important to you? Is blogging therapy for you? It would mean the world to me to hear your thoughts & have you leave a message.
Thanks so much for stopping by!
- Jacket: H&M
- Shorts: Banana Republic
- Tee & Clutch & Earrings: Express
- Sneakers: Adidas
- Watch: Fossil
- Cuff: Wanderlust & Co.
- Bracelet: Swarovski